Last week I found myself in this weird energetic funk. Was it depression? Was it sadness? I just felt low.
The entire world is in the midst of a pandemic. Such unprecedented times. Is it collective energy I’m feeling? Is this my own emotions coming to the surface to be examined?
I watch as my friends and peers are becoming successful in their business. They are gaining clarity and focus. Their passion ignited. I celebrate them. I rejoice with them. I watch as others gain new understanding, and are stepping into their truths. I celebrate their bravery.
At the same time I feel a sense of loss, of overwhelm. So many experiences I’ve dealt with in the last several months, and I’ve buried the emotions. “I’ll deal with them when the time is right,” I tell myself. But, then they just sit there, festering beneath the surface. Every once in a while demanding my attention like an overtired toddler. Is this an emotional tantrum I’m feeling?
A few weeks ago, during a coaching session in an intuitive development program*, one of the teachers popped into our group as I was speaking with the students about doubt. In a previous intensive we were taught that doubt is a sign of integrity. That it comes from a place of wanting to be of service and wanting to truly help those we are called to serve. The teacher expanded on this and stated that often times these things we feel, there’s another layer or truth just under the surface. It is our job to find that truth.
So, I ask myself what is the truth under these feelings?
Emotion / Lies I’m telling myself: I’m afraid I’m not going to be successful in my business. That I’m not “enough” of whatever is needed. Maybe I’m not meant to be doing this? Do I make a difference?
Truth / Deeper layer: Am I living my soul’s purpose if I’m not meeting my own expectations? Am I not living my soul’s purpose if it’s not defined by a worldly measure of success?
Have I stopped to ask what spirit wants to co-create through me?
What is my soul’s purpose? My purpose is to be a light in a world of uncertainty. To be a beacon to those soul’s that I can help serve.
Emotions / Lies I’m telling myself: My family is going through some hard trials. I am strong enough to help them through it. I don’t want to burden others with the weight of sharing what’s on my heart. I don’t want them to worry because I’m struggling too.
Truth / Deeper layer: Burdens are lighter when we share them. We are denying others an opportunity to serve us when we keep everything locked up. You would help them in an instant. Why do you struggle so much with allowing them that same opportunity?
What is calling to be released from within me?
Hiding my light as to not make others uncomfortable.
As I have sat with these things, I have felt a shift. I’ve been able to release some of the weight of these emotions. Knowing, that I’m still living my soul’s truth even when the success cannot be measured by worldly standards. I’ve also begun to allow others to hold space for me, to help support me just as I would them.
Sitting in the emotions can be uncomfortable. It can be hard and leave us feeling uneasy. It is in sitting with the emotions however, that we can learn what they are trying to teach us. This is how we can see what is underneath the surface.
What emotions have you been feeling? What emotions have you been hiding from? What are they trying to teach you? What are you being called to release?
If you are struggling to answer these questions for yourself, I would love to help guide you with a Heart Centered Intuitive Reading.